I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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