No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
