nut hugger
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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