Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
