So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
