I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Can I color on your dick again?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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