Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
only you would photoshop your dick
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
