She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
