Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I've blown a few things in my day
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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