She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
