I just pynch a tree in the face
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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