so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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