I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
