Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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