So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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