I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
