is your mom at the bar?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
