so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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