I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
