i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You took a bar mat shot.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
