i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
