So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
