i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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