im drinking this country out of the recession.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
