omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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