he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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