fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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