I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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