We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
