somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
