i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
