so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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