You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize