She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
