I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
