ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Please don't give away my fajitas
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