Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
