No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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