Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
