Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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