Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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