sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
