Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
