my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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