Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
