home. puking in laundry basket.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
