We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize