like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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