Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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