she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
