Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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