I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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