I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
