WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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