If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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