i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
