It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize