It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
