I bet he comes in French.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
