it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
