I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
