New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
