I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
