It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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